1. Both of my children are adopted, their father ran out on them early in their life and I've now taken his place. I think one of the more surprising things about it is I've had people ask me in the past what I would think about adopting a child that wasn't biologically mine, and I would give a sort of ho-hum answer saying "Oh I'm sure it would be fine, there'd be that feeling in the back of my head, but I don't think it would bother me..."

But now that it has actually happened for real, I can't even think of it any other way except for it being perfectly natural and just always the way it was meant to be etc. I only have these two children, and if I was to have another of my own biologically, I wouldn't see any difference between them. I'm "Dad" (Or "Daaaadddy" on a sad/down day) and that's all there is to it. Blood or not, it doesn't matter. I never got to see them when they were born (God I wish I could have) but I'm still Dad. I love my kids more than anything.

:)

Posted at 11:12PM on Aug 14th 2008 by Justin

2. To the author, if "cost" is the only thing stopping you from adopting, there are many ways around that. Grants and tax credits are available, and many states do not have "adoption fees" for children in foster care - it just costs your home study and attorney fees, which can be kept minimal. Another interesting note, the pregnancy and birth of our biological son is prooving to rival a "lower" cost international adoption. All that to say, if cost is really the only thing keeping you from adopting, take some time to consider and research the options. If there are reasons other than cost, that is something else entirely, as it takes everyone involved being fully committed to integrating that child into the family. Just my two cents.
(on a side note, I know the state of Texas will also provide college tuition to attend a State school for children adopted out of foster care - which also helps especially when considering adopting older kids and teens)

Posted at 2:35AM on Aug 15th 2008 by sa

3. It's not so much the cost of the adoption process that is prohibitive (although that can be significant, I understand), it's the long term cost of raising a child to adulthood -- on top of the three we already have.

Posted at 11:50AM on Aug 16th 2008 by Uncle Roger

4. although what your family does is none of my business, I do appreciate the reply. three kids in the house is a very understandable reason not to actively pursue adoption. I just hope other people that think they "simply cannot" (but would be interested otherwise) will maybe reconsider if they know there are "options" out there when it comes to the cost of the actual adoption, not the additional long term costs to adding another individual to a full family. Thanks for the time to respond

Posted at 11:43PM on Aug 16th 2008 by sa

5. I wonder if ease of having a biological child has anything to do with the gender difference. What I mean is: it's easier for a woman who wants to be a single parent to either use a sperm donor or even have a one night stand than it is for a man to get an egg donor and use a surrogate. Obviously, that wouldn't account for the whole difference, it's just a thought.
Anybody who provides a loving home to a child in need is a hero in my book.

Posted at 9:51AM on Aug 15th 2008 by Elizabeth